So for the first time in... well, since I've been writing down reactions I am having a tremendously hard time writing anything at all (if deleting everything I've written 3 times now counts...)
I am so torn about that episode I just can't make enough sense when I write anything down.
I enjoyed. I did. There were many, many awesome moments. But I was also...um... I dunno. Disappointed maybe. Let down? The kick of it is I DON'T KNOW WHY !?! Arghhh.. that's frustrating the hell out of me.
I mean... wow... there was heaps of great stuff: angst and info, some great bro moments, Lawyer!Sam (fuck YES!!) Jo (Yay!) We had EMF and gorgeous boys looking gorgeous with their longer hair. We had Dean in chains (*guh*) and chemistry between Alona and Jensen. We had flashbacks to earlier episodes and (deliberately) lame Dean jokes and eyeroll!Sam. We even had a road side drink at the end (*hearts*). Sam was incredibly energised and competent. Dean was wooby and tired and angst ridden. It had all the ingredients...but..... I dunno....what?! Why aren't I feeling it!?
Was is that Sam's ok now? He's dealing and doesn't feel guilt and all is ok with him? (which I don't buy completely but looks like they're playing that card).
Was is that I want Dean to catch a break? Realise that he is AMAZING and has done more good than bad in his life. That his brother will love him NO MATTER WHAT! (I mean... wow... he'd rather die than tell Sam he lied to him. That is just so goddam heartbreaking!).
Was it that I was expecting Amy's ghost to return and actually watch Dean (and Sam's) reaction to that?! I was hoping for this I think. In hindsight it makes more sense that it was Jo that confronted Dean (it was a great scene I thought) , but I was expecting Amy and wondering how that conversation was going to to. I thought maybe Amy would convince Dean that he wasn't guilty. But that makes no sense as the guilt Dean felt was lying to Sam. Maybe I wanted that to be addressed. (and yet I was totally prepared for the Amy thing never to be addressed again at the end of the last episode... so no idea why I wanted to see it now).
Was it that nothing changed for Dean by the end of it all? Ah. Maybe that's it. I knew the episode was going to be about Dean confronting his past and I imagined it might be about him being able to let go of some of that guilt. I thought (hoped) that Sam would be able to convince him of that. I'm not sure I bought that Sam had any effect on how Dean felt about himself. (Maybe that was the point but if was kind of a let down I think).
Was is that it's all well and good for Sam to be feeling great while his brother is feeling downright awful? Maybe Sam knows that he can't actually say
anything to make Dean feel less guilty so he's saying
he's feeling great knowing that that will make Dean feel better. *shrugs*
Maybe it's a completely shallow thing where I actually enjoy it more when Dean's in control (like the fabulous warehouse scene from 7.02) and Sam is hurty and needy. It might just be that simple. Personal preference probably. (Though I do love competent Sam too and wooby Dean, but I probably have a preference for the other way around more. Or something. Damnit! I don't know.
ARGHHHHH!! See!?! That's why I couldn't write anything. (even though I seemed to have written some incoherent drivel after saying that. /o\).
This might be one I need to think about some more. Maybe read some stuff. Try and get a handle on it. Though I'd be keen yo hear your thoughts. You might be able to make me get a better handle on this one.