In my last post I didn't say what it exactly was that made me so upset watching that last episode.
It's the day after. I'm still sniffly but I feel a little more clear headed and heading toward being at peace with understanding why the show may no longer be for me (she says, knowing that it's probably impossible to ever stop watching). This is mostly me working it through.
Sam and Dean have been in some sort of conflict since the show began. It's nothing really new. There have always been underlying jealousies and trust issues. Their relationship has been dynamic. There's always been something the other has had to learn. Dean learning that Sam is no longer a child and can look after himself, Sam learning that Dean is not just a soldier following orders etc.
The relationship "issue" for S8 seems to be based on jealously. Dean is mighty pissed that Sam didn't look for him when he disappeared (and I get that) and Sam is mighty pissed that Dean has a vampire for a buddy (admittedly I don't get that one so much...but I can accept it). Dean feels that Sam has let him down (again) and Sam doesn't trust Dean to be making the right decisions regarding Benny.
For me, there's just not enough there to warrant the levels of (almost) hatred we are seeing between them this season. I know they still love each other (I will believe that until I actually see one kill the other) but their love is turning them into such nasty, petty, childish people that they are truly getting too hard to watch.
If this was season 1 we could say that they just don't know each other very well. But it's not. They have been through so much together and know each other so well that we should not be seeing this level of dishonesty and just plain nastiness between.
And I get it. The show needs conflict between them (for some reason) so there's tension and a path to reconciliation. But for me....I've had enough of it. I'm sick of Dean being all prissy and emo because he thinks Sam has let him down and he isn't the brother he should be and I'm sick of Sam running away from everything because he can't face it. I'm also sick of them not trusting each other. I mean..really? Still? they live with each other 24/7 and they can't have a simple conversation about where things are at. That lack of communication between them is no longer endearing to me. It's frustrating and it makes me no longer care. I am just plain tired of it.
They both need to be slapped upside the head and told to grow up. Either that or go their separate ways. The show has actually made me feel that they would be better off apart. (see...SEE WHY I WAS IN TEARS!)
Aside from all of that there's:
That this is becoming a soapy style drama of long emo discussions and domestic based relationships. It's about us having to guess what's going on (and when we do WE come up with much more interesting stuff then they have). I am missing the action. I am missing the boys being in peril and having to either save each other or save other people. I miss the show being centered on them - together. I miss that feeling of caring about the story being told in an episode.
I have no issue with either Amelia or Benny (or any of the other gazzillion OCs we have this season). In fact I very much like the idea of them. But they have both become more of an idea. I know having OCs fleshed out should be satisfying but unfortunately I find myself fast forwarding through their sections. As soon as Martin took Benny's great great...whatever, I cared SO little I had to fast forward. If Sam and/or Dean had something at stake in that scene (other than Benny being Dean's friend) then I might have been more engaged.
And I am totally sick and tired of having to find reasons
for their actions. I am sick of having to rely on fans for picking up their slack (though, thank god they do). Having to find good, satisfying and believable reasons why Sam didn't really look (show never really gave us that. Just told us...). We have to give Dean a personality disorder or PTSD in order to explain his behaviour - which, no doubt it's true. But Show is making no point about it whatsoever. Both Sam and Dean a screwed completely but unless the Show gives us that we are left saying...he's only doing that because he's suffering from...XXXX, as though that excuses their dickish behaviors.
And as much as it might be nice that Sam found someone to "fill the gap" when Dean was gone I am no longer interested in that story. I just do not care about why Sam left Amelia or that Amelia is back or any of that. They never made us actually care about her (which I thought might have been clever on their part. Turns out it wasn't) so during the flashback this time I just eye rolled and groaned. (I have to say I honestly thought when Sam said "I'm not ready for this to be over" we were going to suddenly get this amazing reveal. Maybe Sam was possessed or something because that whole scene was awful. Maybe it was the lack of chemistry between them?)
We can all give them reasons for their OOC behavior. And they ALL work. Everything we say about why they are doing things works for me. I just wish show would acknowledge that they are suffering from something
. Jeez, just life as a hunter is traumatic enough, let alone time in hell and Purgatory and watching people they love die etc. etc. There are reasons, just please show us that YOU know that. Give us something concrete to hang on to.
Also...Dean tricking Sam into leaving that hunt the way he did is the second lowest thing I think I've seen Dean to do Sam. (The first being throwing away the amulet). My heart broke so hard just then - and not in that good, Supernatural angsty way.
I cried (and am still mighty upset) because I know in my heart that the show is leaving me. I may not leave the show because I have too much invested and I long to see an episode that has all those yummy ingredients it used to have (saving people, hunting things might be a start) but I know it's no longer going to be one I can enjoy on the level I used to. And that realisation keeps making me cry dammit.
To wake this morning and not want to look at my flist or care about what anyone else is saying about this episode is a sure sign. I'm canceling my SPN mag subscription, no longer voting and will probably take a break from LJ for a while so I can put things into perspective (just a TV show, just a TV show...)
It's no longer about one, occasional bad episode. It's about one entire bad season. A season that is just not working for me (mostly because of the utter, utter lack of bro!love) and I don't think any amount of reconciliation hugging will let me forgive them for doing what they are doing now. The thought of re-watching any of it again fills me with dread (and anger because I like re-watching with friends <33).
ETA: I just re-watched the end of the ep because I hadn't listened that closely last night. No doubt they are making parallels between Amelia/Sam and Benny&Dean. Sam gave Amelia another chance with Don so...um... maybe...he's hoping that Dean will give him another chance? Or something? Dammit. I'm too tied to try and interpret it. It's there though. So maybe there's hope in that. *sigh*
I thought last night that my fandom life might be over actually, hence my sob-fest. A tad melodramatic of course because I could never just leave (yet, anyway). I am sure I will use some sort of fannish therapy to see me through until, not only the next episode, but also until the end of this season probably.
Comments are turned off because this is really just so I could get that off my chest and to try and make sense of it for myself. I am of course very interested in hearing what you guys have to say. *hugs* I'm already having an interesting discussion about it here
. The chatting does certainly help. I'm just so so sorry I'm so negative about it. I seriously don't want to be. It's not usually my style.